What my meltdowns look like

It’s commonly known in the Autistic community that a meltdown is nothing like a tantrum. It’s a total loss of control, a need to get emotions out, to find some stability by exploding and getting rid of the pressure building up inside. Everyone knows you cannot reason with someone when they are having a meltdown, […]

Reasons for avoidance

There are many different reasons why a person will avoid something. Whilst most PDA demand avoidance stems from anxiety, the reason for the anxiety may be different each time. Knowing why something causes demand avoidance might help reduce anxiety by accommodating needs to ensure the reasons for demand avoidance are reduced. Experience – having had […]


I’ve heard it said that us PDAers don’t feel shame, that we are unmoved by the shameful behaviours we display, behaviours that would cause others to stop and think before they act. This isn’t especially true. Maybe it’s accurate for some, but for the majority of us, we definitely do feel shame, in fact, we […]

Emotional avoidance

Did you know PDAers may also avoid feeling and/or reacting to emotions? It’s not something most people will see as a demand but as I like to say, anything and everything can be perceived as a demand, this includes emotions. You’ve probably heard about kids who don’t react in a socially preferred way at funerals […]

The PDA empath

Imagine walking into a crowded room and instantly being able to feel every emotion each person was feeling as if the emotions were your own. You would feel depressed, happy, sad, anxious, excited, jealous, angry etc all at once. It would be overwhelming. No doubt you would turn around and leave, unable to control all […]

In the moment

Trigger warning. “Everybody hates me” “I’d be better off dead” “Everyone would be happier if I didn’t exist” “I’ll just kill myself and then everybody can be happy when I’m gone” “Why do you hate me” “Everything I do is wrong, why can’t I just be right” Horrible to hear from someone you love. Horrible […]


Alexithymia or ‘how to recognise anxiety in your child when you don’t recognise it in yourself’. Alexithymia (Alexi for short)┬áis difficulty recognising, understanding and/or feeling emotions. Some Alexi people don’t feel any emotions at all, some can feel some emotions, some feel like their emotions are distant as if through dense fog. Some Alexi people […]