I asked what the silliest things PDAers have avoided doing, this is a list of some of the replies I received:
Susan said “I find it impossible to overcome demand avoidance to take my slipper and sock off to sort out my painful toe. I just can’t bring myself to do it. The effort feels like the equivalent if moving a mountain”, she added ” In the summertime, if I get hot I won’t take my jacket off to cool down“.
Emily included “I can only have 3 task per day or I end up on the couch not wanting to even move“.
Carl said about his son “Something as little as turning the telly on so he can watch netflix even when the remote control is right next to him he can’t do it I have to do it for him. Recently we went to a soft play centre, been there countless times before but they had a new sign up that he noticed which said ‘only food or drink bought on the premises can be consumed here’! Needless to say we have never returned after he protested about how wrong and controlling of them it was“.
Dawn asked “Isn’t going to the toilet a demand too far sometimes? I’m terrible for not going when I should”. I said that “Using the toilet can be a big demand for me”. Sophie joined in adding “Mee too me too! My bladder is now like fort knox!”
Victoria replied “Planting plant from the garden centre“.
Susan also said “When the weather’s nice, I find it almost impossible to sit in our garden on the bench and enjoy the flowers and pond area and sun on my face. I only achieve doing this about twice a year”, then she added “In fact I find it really hard to spend time in our garden at all. The only way I really manage it is to go around taking photos of flowers in it”.
Angelo shared “Endless boiling of the kettle but never making the drink lol. It’s just one step too far“.
Lucy replied “I avoid cleaning the rabbits so one of them got revenge by doing a love puddle on my bed!”
Kelly said “I have loads and LOADS of thing I have collected…and that is because I needed these things to start off projects…but…now I have all the stuff…I can’t find the time to do …the stuff…or…I always find something I need to do, and when I think, oh I have that stuff…I am then sort of bored with…the stuff, and end up doing nothing with it anyway…but must keep just in case I find a love for the stuff again…or…because it might be useful one day…Oh dear…My home is full of stuff I might need one day”
Kelly added “I have usually spent hours upon hours finding the best deal for all this …… stuff too….AND, if I don’t know how to do this stuff…I research it….until nothing is left for me to research….I then order it all in, because I need the…stuff, as I can not start until I have the…stuff…I can’t wait until it has arrived, Im a little excited about it too…and then it arrives…BUT, I cont do it because ….Yes…just read the above…It all goes in circles, it all starts off again“.
Susan stated “I can’t listen to music because it feels like a demand“. Dawn added “If someone wants me to listen to something I really struggle“. Olivia said “Oh my god!!! Is this a PDA thing??? Mind=blown! I think I just had an epiphany“. Susan replied “I’m becoming more and more conscious of PDA operating in my head. The feeling is very subtle and painless, unless someone or something prevents me avoiding the demand in question, and then I get increasingly stressed and panicked… I think“. Kelly agreed “Oh yeah….My boy loves music, as well as I…but…it needs to be MY music…because HIS music, just…..well, it so annoying…it ends up stressing me out…Not all the time as some days I can deal with it…BUT on a bad day, or if something has happened I just CANT COPE WITH THE NOISE!!…(That is me talking about car journeys….as it very much depends if the boy had been…more compliant…if not…then…NO MUSIC…(altho sometimes I HAVE to have it on to help calm him!!!))….We are BOTH PDA I am sure of it“.
“Also, I can’t eat fruit. I quite like it, but it feels like too much effort” Susan shared. I replied “Oh yes, keep buying it intending to eat some but I never get round to it. But I’d easily eat it if someone else prepared it for me“. Susan added “My partner places a plate of chopped, peeled carrot between himself and our daughter during lunch and she then tends to eat a but. He did this for me during his lunch break last week and I actually ate some“. Olivia included “Yeah my other half has to get me all my drinks etc. Left to my own devices I won’t eat all day or it’ll be midnight, on auto pilot, some variation on the same meal every time“.
“If I hear that the window cleaner has come, I will do everything possible to hide in a room where he isn’t cleaning because it’s my day off and I don’t want to see anyone. Then I will even crawl to another room when he reaches the window of the room I am in. I won’t answer the door to pay him until he comes back later that evening to collect payments! It’s so pathetic, I know” shared Sophie.
Sophie added “When someone comes into the house, I will never be the first person who says ‘hello!?’. Sometimes I will just sit there and then it seems that too much time has passed so I get worried that if I move and make a noise, they will know I am in the house and then accuse me of being rude. I have sometimes done all I could to pretend I’m not even in the house yet, if that polite time has lapsed“.
Angelo replied “Another one I have which is a bit more spicy shall we say.
Sex. I may be as horny as a dog with two willies but the actual thought of the demands of sex get too much. It becomes dread even though I know it’s something I want to do and then invariably avoid it to do something much less stressful like lay on the sofa and watch cartoons!“. “Oh my god yes! This is EXACTLY what I do” Victoria agreed. Sophie joined in “RELATE!!” Ben said “I have a very similar issue too! I’m alright with kissing and foreplay but when it comes to the part where I’m expected to “perform” I suddenly want to run far far away. I think I’ve confused so many girls because I’ll be really into the foreplay but not the other part“. Debby stated “I can relate although health issues made it a risk for me for a while too but it us deffo a good job my hubby is the most undemanding person in the world“.
Victoria shared “Painkillers. I’ll only take them if I’m on my own. If someone else is here I just pretend to take them“. Kelly said “Now you see….with painkillers I go into the thought of…’Well, they never had them in the olden days…So, I can and will just have to put up with it….’…Ha…I do hate to give in to it…but …… sometimes, needs must…. Now the thought going in my head is…’Do I find it MORE stressful, NOT to take…OR….is it more stressful when I end up having to take..’…oh…’SHUT UP BRAIN’!!” Then added “WHY IS EVERYTHING AN ARGUMENT….Why do we end up arguing with EVERYTHING in our heads all the time!”
“When someone comes to my till at work and I ask them which price they wish to pay for entry (we have two prices because we are a charity) if they say “oh I can’t read it, I haven’t got my glasses”, I do all that I can to avoid reading them out all the prices because I believe that people who know they will have issues reading things when they are out and about should NOT leave their glasses at home. I end up making more work for myself but it’s better than giving in to that demand” Sophie included.
“Vacuum – Hate it when the lead gets in my way…I find it ever so annoying, I often get angry with it….Things just seems to run more smoothly if it goes where I WANT it to go..but sometimes…it falls in the wrong place, and annoys me” Kelly shared.
“Paying Bills….Struggle with this one” Kelly said “I have the money…I have the account it needs to go too…BUT, just can’t seem to ……. do…….it……Sometimes I wait until the last day and just…face my ….. angst and then…pay it, but begrudgingly so….!!…Sometimes tho because of this I do genuinely end up forgetting it…AND …… THAT IS EVEN WORSE THEN…..I end up so angry with myself…and blame myself, call myself all different negative things….Gosh, why couldn’t I just do with then I thought to do it in the first place…” Natasha agreed “Ditto – I’m logged into online banking, the money’s right there…I’ll do it later. Ugh. I’m terrible at renewing library books too, they keep waiving my fines because they’re so shocked how high they are“.
Sophie also said “If someone has done something mean to me through no fault of my own, I refuse to forgive them until they have apologised. When people tell me “be the bigger person, just let it go and move on” it only serves to solidify my resolve to keep my grudge! However, when it is my fault, I will be the first to apologise. I just hate being walked all over and then expected to let people get away with that without consequence – no way“.
NB – some names may have been changed
Part 2 coming soon