Litter picking

The life of a PDAer Litter picking

Finishes packet of crisps.

Crumples packet into a ball.

Leaves on nearby table.

Hour later needs toilet, gets up and grabs empty crisp packet.

Walks past bin and attempts to throw it in.

Misses, packet lands on floor.

Stands looking at packet for few moments, then continues on to toilet.

Packet stays on floor until other family member picks it up and throws it into bin.

PDAer – never admits to leaving it there.

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I am a 33 year old non-binary PDAer with 3 kids. I love food, gin, books, socks, DS games, and writing about PDA. My fav colour is purple and my fav animals are Dragons. I prefer the countryside, autumn/winter, walking, swimming and squash.

Categories The life of a PDAerTags 4 Comments

4 thoughts on “Litter picking”

  1. My PDAer does this. I wish I could understand. It feels abusive, but I want to believe that it is not. I just don’t understand.

    1. Yes, the thing with demand avoidance is that even tiny things like picking something up or moving something can be extremely difficult for us. It feels like an impossible task, so we avoid it. Then it looks like we just don’t care or are disrespectful when chances are we’ve not stopped thinking about that crisp packet for hours and feel immense guilt over it.
      And then of course admitting to doing or not doing something is a demand to be avoided. It’s easy to see how that can feel like abuse. It’s important to remember that demand avoidance is a disability, that we have little control over it.
      Of course if a PDAer is being abusive you have every right to step away from that. It’s a tricky situation for parents for sure.

      1. It’s great to hear you say this. My partner continuously keeps leaving everything everywhere. Clothes on the floor in the bathroom, next to bed, next to laundry basket, empty packages of food anywhere in the house, empty coffee cups (a tower next to the bed and another one in the bath) and so on. I can’t understand why it’s so hard to just take it with you when you leave the room or put the dirty laundry IN the basket rather than beside it. He’s not ever tried to explain this to me. I usually get a “yes I’ll do that in the future” (broken promise) or a “whatevs” as a reply. It’s extremely frustrating, and the denial part is just the cherry on top!

        Even funnier when he occasionally has an OCD rage and demands that all the shoes from now on has to be in a straight line. I comply and after a day or two he throws his shoes all over the place again.

        Do you have any strategies for managing? Either as a spouse of (that doesn’t like cleaning, especially after others) or for the PDAer?

      2. Personally I’d do the things that are vital, like cleaning dirty dishes so they don’t become mouldy and chores that affect you, and the rest I’d leave for him to do in his own time. Usually if the demands are reduced they do get done eventually, it’s just wether you can put up with waiting for him.
        Alternatively you could discuss it with him and come up with an arrangement of who does which chores, but he might not follow through, might be worth a try though.

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