Having PDA or living with someone who has PDA can be hard. Life in general can be hard but having an invisible disability such as pathological demand avoidance can make it harder than usual. Of course there are plenty of good points, but sometimes the struggles can overshadow the good times, turning everything a bit murky, a bit grey.
Never give up.
Why? Because, if you give up then you open yourself up to a world of even darker darkness, trust me, I’ve been there. It might seem like the easy option, to just let everything go, give up and not do anything, or worse, kill yourself. But to be honest, that actually just makes things worse. Not just for yourself but for everyone around you. They say that when you kill yourself that it impacts on a minimum of 40 people, everyone from close family and friends to the ambulance people and mortician. Everyone who has to deal with the death and the body afterwards. Dying might sound like the best thing to do but it’s also the cowardly thing to do. It takes real strength, real guts to keep struggling through hard times. The people who make it are either tougher for all they’ve been through or are battle scarred, damaged and hurt. But how will you know which you become if you’re dead? If you’ve taken the easy way out (although who ever things trying to kill yourself is easy obviously hasn’t ever tried. It’s not easy, it’s bloody well hard). If you’re dead how will you know whether what’s just around the corner is a better life. What if everything turns up roses but you’re not there to see it. Of course it can just as easily go bad, get worse. But how will you know?
So my advice is: Never give up. Keep striving for better times because they might come and you don’t want to have already steeped off the plane before you reach Disneyland. You need to find the thing/s that you want to stay alive for, the things that you want to keep on going for. Yes it’ll be hard, whoever said it wasn’t? But sometimes the thing you get at the end of it all was worth every hard time, every battle, every pit of despair.
Personally I can’t contemplate not being alive to read my fav authors new books, to not play the new versions of Harvest Moon or Pokemon. It might sound childish, it might sound lame, but I couldn’t imagine not being here to see/read/play them. That’s what kept me going all those years ago. That’s what made me stop and think ‘do I really want to do this?’ ‘is this really how I want my life to end?’ the answer was no! I didn’t. I have even more than books and games to live for now. I’m glad I decided to live, to struggle through. And yes it did get worse, my life was a one point a big ball of darkness that threatened to eat me alive. But I struggled through, I came out the other end and my life picked up. I started to see what was worth living for . I wouldn’t change it for the world. Depression still haunts me, it’s not ever going to go away, but I know now that it I let it pass, a better future awaits me on the other side, every time.
Don’t give up 😀