This is a hard one.
Technically I have three brothers and one sister, realistically I have one brother I hate and never want so see or be related to again. One brother whom I never really got along with simply because we were just too different. We were like apples and oranges. We didn’t fight, we didn’t communicate, we just never really did anything together. One sister who, throughout childhood, I both hated and cared for. We both got along and didn’t. She was girly, I was boyish. She liked dolls and make-up, I liked playing football, climbing trees and computer games. At one point we got along, we shared books and games, but we never were properly close, we never shared stories and we didn’t always see eye to eye. This is what separated us and I don’t see us ever being family again.
These siblings are the half-brothers/sister.
My full brother: Well, I guess we are more alike than either of us realises. As kids we were the best of friends, we were very close. We shared a lot, played together a lot, got along, fought brilliantly and covered each others backs. At 16 he left home, cut all communication with all of us and to this day I wish I’d done the same. He got out early and I somewhat envied that. At that point he was in a really bad place, leaving was probably his way of dealing with everything. Even though we don’t speak now, I can understand why. His social communication skills are worse than mine but there’s also the past which will run through his head every time we speak. It’s no surprise then that he stays away. We were, and probably still are, very similar. I don’t know if he’s found the place where he belongs. Last I heard he had a good job and friends. I have a better understanding of myself, especially after learning about Autism and PDA. One day I hope he finds his understanding too. We can never go back to where we were as kids but I know that if we were to meet in person then we’d get along just like we used to. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss him. But what is is what it is. And as long as he’s happy then I’m not too unhappy about not speaking to him right now. Maybe he just needs a bit longer.
Tomorrow’s post, something a little less emotional: 5 thing’s on my bucket list. (Guess I’ll have to make one then lol ).